Every time I write a new blog post, I get nervous and start doubting myself. It scares me to share my thoughts, not knowing who will read them and if they will even mean anything to anyone. I get into this debate with myself whether or not I will keep sharing bits of my life. Usually, like today, the part that loves to write and loves to share my words with others wins. It doesn’t take away the fear and doubts, but it makes me a bit stronger on the inside because by sharing my words, I am letting myself believe in me. I too often doubt myself and think I’m not worthy or good enough. I can’t let those thoughts win. I need to do the opposite and just share.
Once in a while, probably too often, I have a restless night. I wake up and my head is racing with thoughts that need to be sorted out. When it gets to the point where I am tossing and turning, I decide to get out and grab my journal. I write down whatever I am feeling or thinking in that moment. I often like to do this in a poem/lyric form. It helps me to focus, to bring my thoughts and emotions into focus and helps me let go. Last week, I had one of those nights. I wrote something that I haven’t had the urge to share yet, until now. I am trying to tune my heart to God’s more, so that when I share something it isn’t for my glory but for His.
Yesterday, I listened to a sermon about how to live from a whole heart. It really hit home. We often tend to live with brokenness in our hearts because we push away emotions and try to guard our hearts. But Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. He wants to make our hearts whole and bring healing to those parts that we are trying so hard to push away! In Ezekiel it says that God will remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh. That part hit me because the one thing I have been thinking about, writing about and talking about is how hardenend my heart feels. I put a wall around it trying to protect myself, like I wrote about in my last post, Surrender. But God wants to remove the stone wall I put up and bind up my heart. I then came across what I wrote last week and the pieces just fit together. I hope these words can bring encouragement to your soul today!
There’s this bitterness inside my heart that needs to go away.
It’s eating up all that is good, my soul is tearing away.
It drains me of my energy, this constant fight in my head.
My mind can’t breathe, my heart is cold, my soul is aching with pain.
Why can’t I let go?
Why this constant strive?
It’s so much more than I can bear,
Yet I still refuse to let go.
Too many words are flashing through my mind.
Stubborness can get you far,
But it can also be your downfall.
The one thing that can conquer all is pure and perfect Love.
It’s beckoning for open arms to reach out and be soaked.
With a holy rain that covers all the parts destroying my soul.
Releasing freedom, releasing life to the deepest parts of the grave.
It’s time to let go,
To stop this endless strive.
Perfect love rain down on me.
Invade every pore in my life.
Fix my eyes on the things above.
Stubbroness can get you far,
But love it conquers all.
Sweet, perfect love
Invade my soul.
Rain down on me,
Drench me, make me whole.