Hi…It’s Nanda. It has been a really long time since I have last written a post.
I am not good at committing to things. I tend to get excited about something and fully go for it. Only to stop after a while because I get bored. Or maybe I get scared. Commitment has always been hard for me, just like letting people get close to me has. I think I am scared of my own heart, to fully open it up, to expose the real me.
The last couple of days I have been reflecting a lot on the last months our family has survived. We renovated a house, were “homeless” for three months, and have a new addition to the family. It was a lot to go through. And those of you who have followed along on my other blog posts know that I have my personal struggles on top of all that. But these last days I have just felt pure amazement. I am amazed at how well I have “survived” it all. We pulled through and I can say it has definitely made me stronger. I have a new view on life, on my small business, on my children. My heart feels lighter and is filled with more joy and gratefulness and strength than before. I keep trying to find the right words to express what I am feeling and what I am processing at the moment. I think the words “beautiful surrender” are the words I was looking for. I think my heart is at ease because I have finally learned to surrender and to let that surrender be something beautiful. I have learned to live in the moment, to live today and to not look too far ahead. Because of that, the strength hidden inside of me has more room to come out of hiding and I am able to enjoy moments more. I feel empowered. Empowered to change the things I can, like invest more in people, especially in my church. But it also gives me new vision and courage for my small business. I know my boundaries and am learning to stick to them.
You know, life is hard, uncertain and scary. Each day, so many things try to grab our attention and we can get so caught up. I am trying so hard to take more moments to just breathe and take in that what is currently happening. For example, the moments my kids are actually playing together without fighting. I want to start feeling more. I want more moments that take my breath away. Life is too short. Babies grow up too quickly. Another year has almost passed and I feel like I have wasted too much time (on my phone, arguing, being impatient…). But each day we have a new chance, a new opportunity to do it different. To invest more in our partner, our children, our passions. Each day is a new opportunity to give all we have to each moment that comes our way. Whether big or small, whether happy or sad, each moment is a chance for a beautiful surrender.
I added the song and hope you will take some time to listen to it. Let it be your new theme for your today.
*The source for the first picture is Pinterest.